My Fav Calvin quotes ....

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." -- Calvin

"That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!" -- Calvin

"The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!" -- Calvin

Calvin: "I'm a genius, but I'm a misunderstood genius."
Hobbes: "What's misunderstood about you?"
Calvin: "Nobody thinks I'm a genius."

"Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test." -- Calvin

Calvin: "Can you make a living playing silly games?"
His Dad: "Actually, you can be among the most overpaid people on the planet."

"If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again." -- Calvin

"The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life." -- Calvin

"Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!" -- Calvin

"It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool." -- Calvin

"The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it." -- Calvin

"I say, if your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life." -- Calvin

"But Calvin is no kind and loving god! He's one of the old gods! He demands sacrifice!" -- Calvin

"It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw." -- Calvin

"Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?" -- Calvin

"If something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway." -- Calvin

"Who wouldn't be interested in everything we do?" -- Calvin

"This one's tricky. You have to use imaginary numbers, like eleventeen ..." -- Hobbes

"You can present the material, but you can't make me care." -- Calvin

"From now on, I'll connect the dots my own way." -- Calvin

"Reality continues to ruin my life." -- Calvin

Calvin: "Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak."
Hobbes: "Probably so we can think twice."

"I liked things better when I didn't understand them." -- Calvin

"Is it a right to remain ignorant?" -- Calvin

"I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction." -- Calvin

Miss Wormwood: "What state do you live in?"
Calvin: "Denial."
Miss Wormwood: "I don't suppose I can argue with that..."

"What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?" -- Calvin

"My life needs a rewind/erase button." -- Calvin

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless." -- Calvin

"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help." -- Calvin

"I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to really comprehend the magnitude of it." -- Calvin

Susie: "You'd get a good grade without doing any work."
Calvin: "So?"
Susie: "It's wrong to get rewards you haven't earned."
Calvin: "I've never heard of anyone who couldn't live with that."

"I don't need to compromise my principles, because they don't have the slightest bearing on what happens to me anyway." -- Calvin

"If we don't all watch the same TV, what will keep our culture homogeneous?" -- Calvin

"Nothing I do is my fault." -- Calvin

"Why should I have to work for everything? It's like saying that I don't deserve it." -- Calvin

"Why do we drink cow's milk? Who was the first guy who first looked at a cow and said "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!"?" -- Calvin

"Thank you. before I begin, I'd like everyone to notice that my report is in a professional, clear plastic binder...When a report looks this good, you know it'll get an A. That's a tip kids. Write it down." -- Calvin

Calvin : "I think we have got enough information now, don't you?"
Hobbes : "All we have is one 'fact' that you made up."
Calvin : "That's plenty. By the time we add an introduction, a few illustrations and a conclusion, it'll look like a graduate thesis."

"If you want to stay dad you've got to polish your image. I think the image we need to create for you is 'repentant but learning'." -- Calvin

Hobbes : "Well, you still have afternoons and weekends."
Calvin : "That's when I watch TV."

Hobbes : "Shouldn't we read the instructions?"
Calvin : "Do I look like a sissy?"

"You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude. Yeah, you can't be cool if you don't have an attitude." -- Calvin

"Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?" -- Calvin

"It must be awful to be a girl. I'm sure it's frustrating knowing that men are bigger, stronger and better at abstract thought than women. Really, if you are a girl, what would make you go on living?" -- Calvin, Dictator-For-Life, of GROSS (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS)

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." -- Calvin

"Golly, I'd hate to have a kid like me!" -- Calvin

"If you care, you just get disappointed all the time. If you don't care nothing matters so you are never upset." -- Calvin

"Life is full of surprises but never when you need one." -- Calvin

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness." -- Calvin

Miss Wormwood : "Calvin where was the Byzantine empire?"
Calvin : "I'll take 'outer planets' for $100."

"A good compromise leaves everyone mad." -- Calvin

"Given that sooner or later we're all just going to die, what's the point of learning about integers?" -- Calvin

"If we wanted more leisure, we'd invent machines that do things less efficiently." -- Calvin's dad

"To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible." -- Calvin

"If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?" -- Hobbes

"But the important thing is persistence." -- Calvin trying to juggle eggs

"I suppose the secret to happiness is learning to appreciate the moment." -- Calvin

"It's hard to be mad at someone who misses you while you're asleep." -- Calvin

"Oops, I always forget the purpose of competition is to divide people into winners and losers." -- Hobbes being sarcastic

"Someday I'll write my own philosophy book." -- Calvin

"I'm a simple man with complex tastes." -- Calvin

"Endorsing products is the American way of expressing individuality." -- Calvin

"One of the joys of being a kid is that experiences are new and therefore more intense." -- Calvin sniffing mustard

"That's the problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder." -- Calvin

"I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life." -- Hobbes

"I don't understand this! Not a single part of my horoscope came true! ... The paper should print Mom's daily predictions. Those sure come true." -- Calvin

"I propose we leave math to the machines and go play outside." -- Calvin

"That's the problem with nature, something's always stinging you or oozing mucous all over you. Let's go and watch TV." -- Calvin

"As a math atheist, I think I should be excused from this." -- Calvin

"This game lends itself to certain abuses." -- Calvin

"I'm just very selective about the reality I choose to accept." -- Calvin

"I have plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it." -- Calvin

A voice crackles in Calvin's radio: "Enemy fighters at two o'clock!"
Calvin: "Roger. What should I do until then?"

"I'm looking for something that can deliver a 50-pound payload of snow on a small feminine target. Can you suggest something? Hello...?" -- Calvin

"Mom and dad say I should make my life an example of the principles I believe in. But every time I do, they tell me to stop it." -- Calvin