Today we had the privilege to interview Mr Oly Torch from Greece who has always been in the limelight, but this time for all the wrong reasons. With protests in almost every continent it has visited and people clambering over one another to extinguish it, we have sneaked into the Vanity van where Mr Torch is taking a break from the unruly protestors outside.
Me: Hello Oly, Thank you for taking some time off your busy schedule to speak to us. How do you feel about the Anti-China protests and the way it has dragged you into the limelight for all the wrong reasons?
Mr Torch: Hell yeah, speaking of wrong reasons, the fact is that the protests are aimed at the wrong reasons and the media has goofed up again, none of these protestors are sorry for Tibet! They are all victims of cheap Chinese goods bought from K-marts and Walmarts of the world and now just got a reason to swear at China.
Me: What! But we always thought that these people are protesting against the inhumane Chinese treatment on the protesting Tibetans.
Mr Torch (peeping from his vanity van window): You see that bloke with a pot belly and the fat cow with a moustache next to him (that’s his wife)... like most of the protestors, he cannot even locate Tibet on the world map. He had bought a cheap Chinese slimming medicine for his wife couple of months back. She didn’t get any slimmer, but after the first week she had a moustache! Now he sneezes every time they kiss!
Me: Oh, that’s sad. And the world thinks that all this is for a Tibetan cause.
Mr Torch: Non-sense. Most of these 'protestors' are using Chinese goods from head to toe! Right from their clothes to the sneakers and cell phones to iPods and they are protesting against China. What an irony!
Me: Ok ok, lets not talk about the protests. Tell us about your job. It must be exhausting travelling across so many time zones and so many countries. What is the most difficult part of your job? It must be passing through extreme weather and staying lit.
Mr Torch: The armpits!
Me: Huh?
Mr Torch: Most of these 'athletes' don’t use any deodorant and they sweat like pigs! I can't bear the stench! And I am worried it might be harmful for my flame as well. What I hate the most is the fact that in all my photos there is an ugly armpit peeping from nowhere!
Me: Yuck! Anyway, are you looking forward to pass through India?
Mr Torch: Of course, I have heard that there I will be in the hands of film stars and rich cricketers. It will be a good photo-op for me; I am tired posing with unknown athletes of yesteryears.
Me: But how is that exciting?
Mr Torch: I am hopeful to end up in some Cola commercial or some Premium Cricket league where some other film stars can pay millions for me!
Me: Hmm, tell us Mr Torch, what is you biggest concern? Is it Global Warming? World Peace? Inflation?
Mr Torch: None of those. My biggest concern is that in the next Olympics I will be replaced by a cheap Chinese battery operated torch. :-(
At this point Mr Oly Torch got a bit emotional, got up and joined the protestors! Only this time no one knew what they were trying to extinguish, they only remembered that it had something to do with China and Tibet so someone went to the nearest Walmart and bought some Tibet flags and Hu effigies (all made in China) and burnt it and then started extinguishing it!
