Cricket, this and that....

(a little bit of what everyone knows, after all in India, we have over a billion Cricket Experts)

Someone should tell the authorities that sledging cannot be taken out of the game. Its not something new and its certainly not a bad word (pun intended) any more. But at the same time, someone should tell the Indian cricketing youngsters that sledging without performance makes us barking dogs who seldom bite. A good abuse should always be followed by a spectacular delivery or a mind blowing shot (of course with the desired results).

Someone should tell the spectators that making monkey chants is more of an insult to the poor monkeys than to Andrew Symonds. Someday all the monkeys in the hills of Matheran are going to stage a mass protest if them come to know about this.

Someone should tell the seniors of the Indian team (the 'Trimurthy') that a great career is always remembered by the last performance of the player. That's why timing is everything in retirement. And that they also need to take a notice of how the young team really enjoys the game when they are not around.

Someone should tell the selection committee that if we have to lose matches anyway, then why not lose with all youngsters and budding cricketers in the team. Atleast they will learn something from the defeats. The great trio of Indian cricket is neither helping us win the matches nor helping us to accumulate the experience and learnings from the defeats.

And finally for us (the omnipresent devotees of the game of Cricket), that the Indian cricket team is very good in keeping the interest in the game alive. Every time the team hits rock bottom performance, someone pulls out a rabbit from nowhere and holds back the common man to the edge of his couch. I strongly believe that if our team won all the matches like the Aussies then we would not have as much interest in the game as we have now.

A few stray thoughts and observations to conclude the wet month of August …

That the new trend in the Indian judicial circles; celebrities commit crime, they get caught, convicted, get lot of media attention and then they get bail. Nice!! Justice served, people are happy, human rights activists are happy, TRP ratings of news channels rocket. Clearly a win-win situation for everyone... well almost everyone! The only loser was probably the dumb Chinkara who lost it's life in a stupid hunting game for nothing. Let us observe a moment's silence for that animal.

That now-a-days the only topic more talked about than Indian Cricket is the politics in Indian Cricket. ICL v/s BCCI or Subhash Chandra v/s Sharad Pawar. Whether one league monopolizes the cricket world or two clubs get into a catfight, the real issues in Indian cricket are still not answered… and will probably never be.

That Team India keeps getting humiliated on the cricket field series-after-series and yet the aging cricketers get all the money and attention, while the Indian football team won the Nehru Cup and no one cared. Except of course, Mr Priyaranjan Das Munshi whose post-win enthusiastic victory-dance was probably the only genuine expression I have ever seen on a politician.

That the Left Parties might realize but may never admit 5 years down the line that the nuclear deal was probably the best thing India did in the first decade of the 21st century.

That 15th August is important to different Indians for different reasons. But I think that it means the most to those street hawkers on the traffic signals who sell flags and make some money for the rainy day. The fact that we got our independence on this day is probably not as relevant as it used to be 50 years ago.

That Sholay can never be re-made. In fact any iconic movie should never be re-made. RGV has already prepared his defense by claiming that he didn’t try to re-make Sholay. It’s his ‘tribute’ to the movie. Yeah!! Right!!

And finally, I asked 15 school kids who our new President was. None had heard about Mrs Pratibha Patil. I asked those 15 kids who the coach of the Indian Women’s hockey team was; they replied without blinking about Mr Kabir Khan! Happy 60th Year of Independence! Chak-De India!!

In your dreams...

All of us have dreams. A living, breathing person can never be deprived of dreams. Whether he heads a big organization or survives in a shanty with two square meals to worry about, people dream. Dreams have different meanings for different people. For some people it can be just a leisure activity to amuse oneself while for others it can be the sole reason to keep pushing. Some dream for themselves, some for their loved ones and a rare few dream for others.

Dreams have a very special place in the hearts of the Indian Middle Class. It is that imaginary channel on the cable TV that we can switch on anytime we like. The amount of sub-conscious importance that we attach to our dreams makes it a parallel world for us; a world that we like to see as our 'happy place'. The man sitting opposite to you in the Mumbai local train gazes into thin air dreaming about the future he wants to give his children. The student sitting in the last bench of the class dreams about that pretty girl and how he wants to connect with her. The man waiting for the bus dreams about the ideal match for his daughter. Dream is nothing else but a dramatized hope. Hope can be a one-liner like 'I hope to be a millionaire'. When we beef it up with a script and a screenplay, it takes the form of a dream. Most of the times, these dreams start off with a mere coincidence and over time our power of imagination nurtures them to grow into 'Wishful Thinking'.

The irony of the matter is that though dreams entertain us and help us get through tough times, it is the very same dreams that break at the end and make us shed a tear, or throw our arms in the air and yell out 'Why Me'!! If dream is a journey then the tear drop is its destination. But that does not stop us from sowing the seed of another dream. I guess that's the spirit of the Indian Middle Class. We dream, therefore we are!

Jahan daal daal par ....

Some of the points that can influence the vote for the new 'First Citizen' of India

1. Does the candidate speak my language?
2. Which gender?
3. Does the candidate have the 'blessings' of the chairperson of the ruling alliance?
4. Can the president be woken up at midnight to invoke emergency at the whims and fancies of the ruling party?

.... and many more ....

Other things can be swept under the carpet.

(....iss Desh ko rakhna sambhal ke mere bachchon!)

Search for the prez ... and another reality show

2 Things can summarize almost everything thats there on the idiot box....1) reality shows/talent hunts and 2) Search for the new President of India

Why not combine the two and create a new program .... reality show to search for the new president of India?

Add to it the flavour of the New 7 Wonders of the world .... and India has its nomination ready!

Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97... wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Mary Schmich

Chicago Tribune

Yonder sits the Fourth Estate!

It used to be revered as the Fourth Estate and was once quoted by Edmund Burke as “the most important than them all”. Now, it would be fair to fit them one notch above the lifeless TV soaps and probably a couple of wedges below the cricketing world dominated by minnows and match fixers. Gone are the formative years of Indian television when the baatmiyan used to be our rare source of truth and one national newspaper in the morning used to be our connection with the outside world. For those who desired to know the truth, these limited sources used to be adequate. We used to turn on the TV to dissect a rumor, now we turn to rumors to validate the TV claims.

Rummage through any of those 100+ channels on the idiot box and you are more than likely to trip on some histrionic ‘breaking news’ of yet another rescue operation for the 6 year old fallen in a ditch or a 60 year old professor in Allahbad University having an affair with his student. If it is your lucky day then they will pull you by your ears and rub your nose into the belly of some ‘sting operation’ on some local MLA or some drunken cop accepting bribes!! Flip, flip, flip, and stop! … Couple of retired *one-night-wonder* Cricketers wearing moth-infested blazers would be giving their ‘resident expert analysis’ on how to win the next World Cup. Next, two scruffy local politicians would be arguing on totally tangent issues and an even louder ‘holier-than-thou’ news compare would be asking non-coherent questions in his Bihari accent about why Mumbai can or cannot become Shanghai! In the background we can see elaborate graphical pie with the viewers opinion poll results. (13% feel that Tendulkar should sack the waiter in his restaurant who spilled soup on Chappels wife). Bored, no worries … Flip, flip, and stop! … Voila, we have the latest on the numerology analysis of how a Star son and the former Miss World will pair if there is an extra ‘A’ in their first name followed by a silent ‘g’. Puhleeez!! As if we care!

Seriously, what is with these TV polls? And who picks those poll questions? Who should be Indian Crickets next captain? Should Amitabh have invited Shatrugan Sinha in his sons wedding? Will that 6 year old survive his plunge in the ditch?

The newspapers are no different. Gone are the days when the front-page headlines used to be a new national policy announced by the PM or an update on the emergency. Now it is all about masala. About Star sons and billionaire politicians. About Hollywood Actors in India and how their security misbehaved with the media. Some veteran actor is not willing to pay his horse’s medical bill, or someone threw acid on his girlfriend because she won’t come to the movie with him! Remove the larger than life print ads from the newspapers and you will probably end up with a couple of square inches of ‘news’ and a square foot of daily comics (add to it a sudoku and a dying crossword). Sometimes I feel that the only real value of money I am getting from a newspaper is when I sell it to the bhangaarwalla!

On a serious note, I do realize that even those news corps have to feed their employees and of course they need moolah to do so. They will go to any extremes to get the green, just like any other normal business. The bottom line is that they are showing us what we want to see. But somewhere down the process, don’t you feel that this is turning us into an immature audience and them an unethical orchestrator? If this downward spiral has to be reversed then I believe that the mighty will have to mediate. And I still believe that the pen is mightier!